Deadly Arrows

"I don't want you anymore",

She was so resolute in her as a matter of fact demeanor. She rarely smiled. Always such a stern look on her face. I used to wonder if she sat in front of the mirror and practiced that look.

"I need you to go".

Okay, I am thoroughly confused.

My naiveté must have been showing like a beacon in the darkness of night. We were married, we shared the same bed.

Okay where am I going?

I sure didn't see that coming. Her eyes pierce through me even more than her words. She had to know I was caught off guard by her words like arrows custom made for my heart.

What's wrong? What did I do? How long have you known about this? She would not answer any of my questions. This was strange to me, because she always had an answer for everything.

"I want you to leave".

Was she trying to punish me for something I did or didn't do? For me, punishment from her was a constant occurrence. More times than not, I would ignore her anger.

Sure there were tumultuous times, but like knots on a string, we could work those things out. I am neither sad nor mad. I clearly do not know what's going on. She is reluctant to say anything that could bring me some sense of clarity. She was purposely trying to be vague.

I was 27 years old and I never experienced anything like this before. A few of my relatives warned me that this would happen. I was naive. I thought it would be like my parents marriage, in the course of time we would work things out.

We were two bible believing, church going, and clean living people. What we couldn't work out among ourselves, we could work it out at church. Again, so I believed. When I saw church folks backing away, as if to say, that's not our issue, I was stunned.

It didn't get better, it got worse. I begin to develop stomach problems.

My blood pressure begin to rise ever so slightly. This was the beginnings of my health issues.

I moved into a hotel which gave me time to work out some of my personal issues. Lord, now I was in the middle of many mental patients, alcoholics, drug abusers, prostitutes and pimps. During this time I prayed very fervently. I wasn't with my wife, but I grew better day by day. The pastor of the congregation began to put me to work.

"When you finish preaching go straight home, all by yourself. Do not entertain anybody. Let your words be few. This I tell you for your own survival".

His words seemed very strict to me. I knew he wasn't trying to stop my friendships and associations; he was extending to me wisdom that would carry me through this personal dilemma.

On some occasions I would see her. She would go out of her way to let me know she didn't want me back.

"I do not want to have anything to do with you. Stop trying to frequent the same places I go. You are going to walk upon something you won't like. We are over"!

Some knots should be left alone until time dictates. Her anger was not abated. She grew more resolute in her position.

Never will I say I was innocent in all of this. There's more than one side to every story. That is better left up to her story.

Now to the point at hand, I needed a God intervention. I needed relief and release. If we were going to reconcile, I needed to know. I needed to know if this was a mind game. If she wanted to call it quits, I needed to know.

Eventually it came up in the conversation, while she was on the phone with someone else.

How do you go so long without him?

It is the result that I will get.

They told me if I treat him bad, he will always cling to me.

So is that your plan to treat him bad?

Until I get the thing I want.

Girl that man won't let you control him and when he finds out, his anger will be out of control.

Now why did I have to hear that phone conversation? Actually I heard one side that day and the other side a awhile later.

I say that I was given the answer right then and there.

I was sad, but at peace.